it feels pretty weird that i dont have a tagboard.
somewhat makes me feel like i have the - fuckcare attitude -. like, i dont give a shit about the world ( which is so untrue ) afterall we are human beings and im CONSTANTLY affected by things that are happening surrounding me, even indirectly at times.
sometimes i feel like its better not to have high expectations of people, especially with friends. expectations for yourself always turn out better than expectations of people, i think its just this way and i cant explain it. sometimes i wonder why must things be so complicated, in the sense there just SO MANY things that i dont like about but i always want to learn to keep my mouth shut. seriously, i should shut my asss up at times.
i think being able to act like you don't care is really really really really superb and awesome. if only i could do that, stop showing out my emotions and walk away with a smile.
thats - " cool "?
hahaha
no thats awesome, cool is just like 10%. the effect of that kinda action has a drastic impact on others.
like, darwin is so cold, he doesnt care lets just stop bothering him. or, darwin doesnt care and he wont get hurt.
think it takes a thousand years to have that kinda mentality.
when people walk away with a smile, the hatred in their heart grows. thats for sure, definitely, definitely for sure.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Friday, September 14, 2007
sometimes i really feel insignificant in the eyes of others
i decided that i want to use my own way, my own way in handling my life. people are people, i can never be like them. sometimes i think to ask someone to be half as similar as me is way too good. because in reality, it would be a joke to find someone like that.
its hard to be like other people, sometimes in the search of yourself, who you really want to be i do think that i often get lost. mixed up with the wrong company and do the wrong things. even untill now, i can't speak the way i want, speak my mind freely and clearly.
how i wished everything was much simple.
since that moment that my sphere of hope has been broken into pieces, i have come a long way trying to fix them up again. its really tiring, wished i could just abandon everything i have now and for a moment and just do whatever you want.
i always wondered since young, how does it feels to die, to just sleep and go away from everyone you know. the thought of it now makes me kind of upset. i just finished watching taiyou no uta, and yes there is erika sawajiri in it. i think it makes me more upset to see people who are young die. i guess its because they haven't seen alot of things, they haven't done enough. this period of life, where you have lots of friends, family to be with you, to have your mom and dad and snap.( comparative if you are old of course you dont think your parents will still be there do you ? )
you have to die?
i really hate people who say, i don't fear death. if you were so close to death and you picked up your life again from the gates of hell maybe they would say a different thing.
there are so many people out there who are still trying to live on with their life, even if they are handicapped, or fighting a certain illness. i think to live an extra day for them is a plus for them, of course they would to live more.
i know its random, but i just thought of what someone said that really got me pissed. death is part of life, yeah i guess we all know that, when its time to go, its time to go. try dying know even for a good cause, you wouldn't want to.
i was at the balcony, and i wondered too. why must this thing called love be so complicated. i think it really sucks, why can't it be problem free.
sometimes you know, the thought of falling in love makes me so happy. but the moment i think about the things you need to go through, i think its a pain to start with, because someone told me just love is not enough for everything.
i want big eyes, high forehead, high cheeekbones, small mouth, nice facial feature.,
not for me ( i already have one ), for my girlfriend ! i wonder i am ever ready to get one. sometimes i wonder who will i marry. will she be ugly, will she be pretty.
oh, i don't want a girl who i can picture how she looklike by 20 years. im pretty disgusted with that i don't know why.
and seriously im glad that erika sawajiri never did die in real life. sometimes i wonder what are pretty decent girls ATTRACTED to. i really wonder about that
and, how does thing called love never fade. by sex?
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Monday, September 10, 2007
i just wasted perhaps 20 gallon of water of my bathtub, to soak myself in less than 1/2 hour then getting out of it.
whats the point.
it makes you think, and makes you look emo ( but im not )
just watched 1 litre of tears, very awesome and now im sleepy and i cant write. ha
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Thursday, September 06, 2007
2 days to final, hmm wait. i should say, lesser than 36 hours to finals yet im not prepared. i have 2 subjects to study and im still away here procastinating about how im gonna study.
amazing isn't it ! i wonder if people get sick of putting the pictures away from blog. i did that to irritate people, especially to THOSE who are uninvited to read myblog. but then once again i could only figure out that angel is the only one reading. how amazingly stupid i am.
i do feel better procastinating, grumbling on my blog cause i don't have to see the faces of my friends that hear me grumble. my computer don't laugh at my stupidity, the computer don't shout at me, but of course the computer don't offer the least consolation i need at times but i guess its a trade off.
well, i was with my friends now, ( my new found friends ) for some reason i dont know why summer is always the period that changes your life the most. spring winter is constant yet summer is the time frame whereby so many things will evolved. no wonder they said summer love. i was thinking about the things i wanna do in life and yes angel i would sell you out for a million dollar since that time you asked me that question. me and my friends were surfing friendster now laughing at people's profile picture, its stupid but well its fun. then one of them were surfing through the friendster and like " thats my ex girlfriend " and we were like zxzxfewtrwt23t2t32 well censored but my point is hahaha damn, its seriously weird surfing seeing pictures of your exgirlfriend. the world is so so so damn small.
and yes i wonder what are we going to do in the future, opportunities in life are different now. things that we do are going to be different too. sometimes i want to be DARING, like just dare tobe different. but for some reason, im just so so so normal. yeah people dn tell me darwin you are extraordinary to me. i want to feel extraordinary to myself, thats what i want to feel ! if you been reading my blog for the past few years, you should have read this line quite a few time " i want to be extraordinary " yet i don't feel it this way. hopefully one day i dare, be more daring and creative and man this sound so darn ass singporean. daring and creative. ohhh fuck im tired.
i'll rant again soon
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Monday, September 03, 2007
think about it.
i feel insulted. ( 400 word entry that i deleted ).
why? its pointless. making things complicated will never ever benefit me.